Almost Finding

I didn't have it so I thought it best to do some searching.

I looked inside money and couldn’t seem to see any reflection of it at all. With money there is always more, and always someone who has more. And besides, there were too many external factors that determine money’s value.

I looked in success and found what I thought was it, but it kept changing no matter how much I pushed and climbed. I soon grew tired and disillusioned from grasping what looked like it until it was in my hand - then it wasn’t it.

I was sure it was in relationships, so I looked there. They were very close but I still couldn’t find it there. Mostly because there seems to be an inherent selfishness that I bring into most relationships. Between selfishness and insecurity I knew that was not the place to find it.

I jumped into religion, suspecting that it was formed there. Surely I would find it inside the walls of being and doing the “right things.” But, the more I looked the more I found nothing that even resembled what I was looking for. It often seemed close, but wasn’t there.

I spent time looking inside me. Bad idea. I didn’t have what I couldn’t find - that was just silly.

My soul was exhausted from looking and confused from repeatedly almost finding.

One day I walked through a park looking under benches and behind random trees and saw a man watching me. He asked me what I was looking for. I told him, annoyed that it wasn’t obvious, “I’m looking for the right container... isn’t everyone.”

The “it” that I was looking for was the right container and I found it no where. I wandered away from the stranger hoping he would stare at someone else - he didn’t.

“What is it you need to contain?” he continued to press.

I reached in the worn bag I had carried on my journey, it was far from a worthy container for such important cargo, and I showed him my soul passion. “I can’t find the right container for my passions and I have looked everywhere! Every one I have found is shaped wrong, or cheap, or too small, or has holes. I can’t waste such a valuable part of me!”

He looked at what was cupped in my hands and grinned, “I agree. That is very valuable cargo. You need a container that will allow it to grow.”

He and I walked and talked for quite a while. “Passions must be held in a place that is safe enough to grow and accessible enough to be spent,” he said. I found out he was a carpenter and in the days that followed he talked to me about his passion costing him everything. He built the perfect container for my passion.

We spend a lot of time together. He taught me to find others who need a container for passion. He showed me how he mends them. Did you know most containers do more damage than they do good? Some people give up and waste their passions by placing them in the easiest or most popular container. He said the right container lasts forever, is priceless, and is free.

He’s an amazing man - turns out he’s a shepherd too.

Spending and Growing,

Pastor Dave