Friday, March 28, 2014

Friday Thoughts

It's not healthy for two people in a relationship to always disagree. Sometimes Jesus and I are like two crabby old married people (one more crabby than the other).

One day at dinner he said to me, "The church is my bride and she's beautiful."

I replied, "Have you looked at her lately? How can you call her beautiful? When she's not yawning she's pouting. She certainly has not taken care of herself. She can't be a very good date, she cares more about what others think of her than what you think of her. The only time she even talks to you is when she needs you to fix something.

When the appetizer came he told me he gets giddy thinking about the future.

My mouth dropped open, "Are you kidding me? Have you seen the news? Don't you know that we might be on the edge of world war. They tell us that famine and devastation are just around the corner. Everyone is arguing about who's fault the mess is, and when they stop yelling about that they argue about how to fix it. Poverty. Immorality. Greed. Selfishness. I'm sorry Jesus, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this one, the future is mostly cloudy at best."

Just after they brought our meals he told me he was proud of me.

Then the crabby one spoke again, "What! How can you say that? I know you love me, you have to, God said so, but 'proud of me'?! Well that's just plain silly. Too often my faith is really weak. I don't know if you know this but sometimes I have a bad attitude. The photo album of my failures weighs more than I do (I do have a 3 x 5 in my wallet of that one time that I didn't mess up). I constantly forget where you are. I can't seem to change no matter how hard I try. I get depressed because I'm depressed. I get prideful when someone complements me. I seem to be addicted to relearning what I thought I knew."

I spent the rest of the meal laying out, with painful accuracy and airtight logic, how messed up I am. When I stopped to shove food in my mouth I remembered another string of reasons as to why I couldn't believe what Jesus said.

He listened... I think.

I expected him to respond with, "You're right. The bride is a failure, the future is filled with doom and you're a complete waste of atoms."

He didn't.

He grinned and whispered. "When I see my bride I see the one that I passionately long for. When I see the future I see the fingerprints of the Father and nothing but light. When I see you I see…" He stopped for a moment, looked around to be sure no one was listening, slid his plate to the side and put his arms on the table so he could lean way in, "When I see you I see… me. You can argue with me all you want, but you can't change what I see. Perhaps it would be better for you to learn to see things the way I do." 

I was going to argue with him, but I couldn't find my voice.

The server brought the check. I didn't look up, Jesus looked in her eyes and saw what I didn't have the time to see. I grabbed some money out of my pocket to pay for my half. He reminded me that he always picks up the check, my job was to quit arguing with him and enjoy the meal.

I wish I could understand what he meant.

Friday, March 21, 2014

The Freedom Chat

One day Jesus and I talked about freedom.

"Jesus, why is it that I can't get free of that one thing that I keep giving to you?" (I said that as if there were only one, we both knew that wasn't the case.)

He paused to read my face and my heart (he's good at that), "There are two reasons," he said calmly.

I waited for him to tell me so I could make a note on my spirit of both of them and run home and be set free. I kept waiting. He nodded to me signaling he wanted me learn to read his face and heart too. So I tried (I'm not so good at that).

"I think the first reason is that I'm not passionate enough yet. Freedom happens as a result of passion and effort." My first attempt earned me no response. Quiet.

I continued, "The second reason is because I'm too weak. Freedom comes to the army that will enter the fight, the warrior that can handle a sword, or the strategist who can outthink his captor."

I continued, "I can see it now, I'm not fully free because I lack passion and strength. You're right, I haven't really tried hard enough." I finished my sermon to myself and was a little proud that I was learning to read the face and heart of Jesus.

He turned toward me on the park bench and leaned in really close and softly said, "I don't know if it would be possible for you to be more wrong."

Ya, did not expect that.

He continued, "Don't you remember me saying, 'The truth will set you free?'"

I thought it was a test, "Yes, I do. And the truth is I'm not passionate enough and I'm too weak to be free. Right?"

He shook his head. "The truth isn't someTHING - the truth is SomeONE. Freedom isn't what you do in front of me, it's what I do in you. David, the problem isn't that you are too lethargic or weak, the problem is that you use both of those things as an excuse to remain in bondage."

This conversation hadn't gone the direction I had planned in my head. "I guess I have a way to go in reading your face and heart, don't I?"

Jesus smiled and nodded. "David, you want to be free to feel free, I want you to be free because I am, and I dwell in you. I am the truth that sets you free, not your passion or strength. Your issue is one of filling and following, that's both the source and direction of passion and strength - Me."

He stood up, "No, you're not passionate or strong enough. That's because you can't be either of those in yourself, I made you that way. But, that's not why you're not free. You're not free because you haven't understood that I... am and I live in you."

We headed back to the trail to continue our walk. I knew this conversation wasn't over. I also knew freedom was closer than I thought.