Today is the 27th anniversary of our marriage. This would be a great opportunity for me to say sappy things about marriage and how Leah is my favorite person in the world, but I'll keep that for private conversations. Frankly – that stuff is none of your business! J
Here are a few things I'm aware of on my anniversary:
1. Cake walks are for school carnivals.
Marriage isn't a breeze. Relational lightweights should run before they say, "I do". There's work involved, and sometimes there are storms that seem to have ruining marriage as their sole purpose. No - it's not always easy, but two people invested in growing can walk through the hurricane together.
2. Grace Grace Grace Grace Grace.
Only people who need grace should give grace. Those who have no need for grace are not required to give it. But for most of us, we need it and should be willing to give it… often. Somehow the "golden rule" turns to tinfoil in a marriage sometimes. Harsh answers and angry responses that demean my mate are not acceptable.
(needed statement that may make some people really mad) -
God hates divorce – God doesn't hate divorced people. When a spouse has broken the marriage covenant people have had to make some really hard decisions. It is not our place to judge them, condemn them, or use a Bible verse as a weapon against them. Our role is to bring healing through living the example of wholeness and holiness. Rather than us screaming about divorce let's build an atmosphere where people can see what a godly marriage looks like without lowering our call to holiness.
3. Parents need to show the right stuff.
Parents, you are teaching your children (and others who come in contact with you) how to be a husband and a wife. What lessons are you teaching?
4. Sex is not supposed to be selfish.
Umm, awkward moment. What was designed to be an intimate expression of love, commitment, and servanthood has been downgraded to a divisive manipulation of someone's spirit and body. Either sex is a taboo necessity to endure or it is a free-for-all moment of selfishness. Extremes are little more than sin – either way. My sex life motto: "Honoring to God and Pleasing to Both." Inside that fence there is a lot of room to smile!
5. God is more than a mode of transportation.
God sometimes becomes an emergency ride from "point A" to "point B" in marriage. He's on our priority list when it fits the crisis, but when we get tired or not in the mood we bail and walk on our own. Marriage is a perfect laboratory of relational experiments that God is to be given complete access to. He is part of every failed experiment and part of every success.
6. Trying is better than not trying.
For crying out loud keep trying to grow together. Keep trying. When you're done trying – try some more. When a spouse quits trying to grow it is a plan – it's just a really goofy one.
7. I'm one stupid move away from flushing what is valuable.
Leah and I have a strong, exclusive, growing, fun, and not flawless marriage. We have learned how to make deposits in each other's love and trust bank. One withdrawal could be devastating. We are not above messing up ministry, family, and friendships. Humility is a good thing to keep me dependant on the Lord and open with my wife. I don't want to dishonor God or violate my wife, but a healthy awareness of how close I am to messing everything up in my life also helps keep me on the "straight and narrow."
8. "Christian marriages" are different than "married Christians"
Two "Christians" can come together with an agenda and a selfish bent and the result is not a "Christian marriage." The call is for unity. My marriage is to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church not a polar bear and a seal!
9. Cherished people don't shoot you in the back.
Yah, that kind of speaks for itself doesn't it? We need to re-learn how to cherish each other constantly.
10. You don't always have to have 10 points.
Guess I'm done now.
Married people don't stop growing. Single people never settle!
Happy in this life, ready for the next,
Pastor Dave
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