This morning my wife and I talked about the sermon for Sunday over breakfast.
I spent most of yesterday on a single verse. I prayed about it. I read about it. I wrote it out. One verse. The more time I spent with it the bigger it got. I looked at the moon with a telescope and realized it was 238,855 miles away. I was trolling on top of an ocean that was three miles deep.
I came to a few conclusions:
1. I am woefully under-equipped to discuss some things about God. Who am I to assume that I could take a role of teacher when the topic has anything to do with God? A license given to me by a denomination doesn't seem to carry the needed weight. Degrees on top of a bookshelf don't give enough insight. Human understanding? Talent? Ability? Learning? There is never enough to qualify me to take God's name on my lips let alone teach anyone else about him.
2. Experience doesn't help. I've taught through the Easter season for years. I've felt the weight of saying the same thing in a unique way. I've choked on the vomit of my own self importance. "There's got to be a way I can…" Experience doesn't make that weaker - it makes the temptation less recognizable. When I am the most important character in any sermon preparation little value can be expected.
3. Too many of us are numb to what we half-know. "I know the story and what came before it and what comes after." We are satisfied with what we remember from what we knew rather than expecting what we've never seen in what we've looked at a thousand times. We've read it and heard it until we are the horse that could walk the trail blindfolded… so we do. As a result we miss the sunrise - which is why we were on the trail to start with. Whenever the story of Christ doesn't cause awe we only know half the story.
4. It could be different. Somewhere in the land of schedules and expectations, in the midst of pressures and frustrations, in the noise of disappointment and self imposed demands, is a park bench of awe. We could go there. We could sit. We could gaze into the depth of grace and be hypnotized by its bottomlessness. We could find a worship that is from a place in our spirit that includes passion. We could see how far away the moon really is and marvel at the fact that we are still enjoying its cool reflective light. It could be different.
So, I will keep working on the verse that is too big for me. I will keep reading the words that are too deep for me. I will trust that the Holy Spirit will break off a piece of the universe and give me a piece that is small enough for my limited mind to digest. I will share that meal with you. Come full, leave fuller still.
Overwhelmed,
Pastor Dave
