To a Dad of a Princess

This weekend my daughter is getting married.  I will walk her down the aisle and deliver her hand to the hand of another man.  My life is going to change at the end of a 30 second walk in lead shoes.  While music is playing and people are whispering about her dress, how nervous the groom looks, and taking bets on how many words I say before I have to blow my nose, I will be in the volcano of soul that no one else can visit.  I'm dad.

This is a day that I have longed for her and dreaded at the same time.  In that confusion I thought about a few things, in no particular order, that I would say to other dads who know that day is coming when they too will take the lead shoe walk.

1.  Know that you are training your daughter how to be treated by a man through the way you treat your wife.  I can't think of many things I want more for my daughter than to know real love.  Since that is what I want her to know - it's mandatory I show her what it looks like.  Lectures don't help here, consistent life long visuals do.

2.  Avoid grumpy attitudes. When I dropped my daughter off at college the only words I said on the way home were, "I don't care what you say, I'm not going to her wedding."  I was a mess (so they tell me, I have largely blocked the whole thing out).  But, the Lord had some words with me about my attitude… a couple of years later.  He reminded me that complaining about His plan for her joy is not wise.

3.  Pray for the unknown "puke-face."  To stand on the platform of "no one's good enough for my daughter," is to argue with God.  How much better to come to God as your princess is growing and repeatedly pray for the man God has for her.  Pray that he makes good choices, pray that he would be protected, pray that God would protect and prepare your daughter for him.  Pray for your daughter to have discernment.  [side note: when you know he's the one you've been praying for he's not so puke-facy anymore]

4.  Remember who your vows apply to.  My job with raising my children is temporary.  They will always be my children, but the role of "raising" is temporary.  I need to be sure my marriage is not defined by the children - they move.  After Prince Charming comes to take the Princess the King the Queen should be ready to be in the castle alone… and that's fun!

5.  Talk about sex.  Age appropriate.  Age appropriate.  Age appropriate.  Dad's need to rescue sex from the culture of "everyone's doing it" and the culture of "it's of the devil."  Both cultures miss God's plan.  It's impossible to hide her from Hollywood's distortion (unless you don't allow any movies, radio, tv, books, computers, iPhones, magazines, or friends).  So, watch for teachable moments.  Expose the lies as lies and watch for the right moments to talk about God's design.

6.  Teach her not to compromise.  God's best is worth waiting for.

For the record - I am proud of my daughter and the woman of God she is.  I am proud of her for waiting for God's plan, and when she saw it, for not dragging her feet.  I am proud to welcome into the family the man that treated my daughter as she needs to be treated.

I'm wearing lead shoes to the wedding in my spirit, but that's ok when you're floating from seeing God's plan unfold for two people you believe in.

The Dad,

Pastor Dave

 

Seven thoughts for Fathers on Father’s Day

First, remember that your children will include your behavior in their understanding of God.  Perhaps this is unfair and maybe even unhealthy - but it's still going to happen.  They will mix the earthly father and the heavenly Father.  Be a good representation of God for them.

Second, every single day you teach your children about marriage.  Daughters are learning how they should expect to be treated and sons are learning how to treat their future wife.  School is always in session on this one.  Teach them well.

Third, we are too easily robbed of joy in the journey.  The stress of life, guilt, responsibilities, bills, fear, and false expectations live rent free in our minds with a host of relatives.  When that happens, the simple joy of growing together gets lost.  Laughing together is more important than most of what we call "important."

Forth, the job of dad is temporary, it only lasts as long a your heartbeat does.  When your heartbeat stops you don't parent anymore.  Until then… parent.

Fifth, our day became official over forty years after Mother's Day was made official.  Let's face it; our day is a mercy day.  "We gave moms a day it's only fair that dads get one too."  I wouldn't recommend complaining about this because the "number of hours of labor" card will be played.  They win.

Sixth, Mother's Day is one of the five highest church attendance days in the year and Father's Day is one of the five lowest. That says something about our priorities that I think we should examine.

Seventh, thanks.  Thanks for giving of yourselves.  Thanks for investing in your family.  Thanks for caring about your children and dreaming about their future.  Thanks for protecting them and being willing to lay your life down for theirs. Thanks for standing up for what you know is right and teaching your kids to do the same.  Thanks for having the desire to grow and learn from your mistakes.  Thanks for letting God work in your life.

Pastor Dave

Summer 2012

This summer I plan to: 

1. Get to know my neighbors.
I have experienced the grace and generosity of God and am aware of the mandate to show both.  God has put each of us where we are for a reason.  If I believe that, I also have to believe my neighbors are where they are for a reason.  Neighboring relationships give the believer the chance to reflect God.

2. Do four weddings in five weeks.
My daughter is kicking off the summer wedding season.  This is a unique blessing that I have yet to fully grasp.  I have a hunch it will be like grasping a downed electric line in a rain storm.  It's one thing to, "give your daughter in marriage."  I think, "I now pronounce you husband and wife," will be like donating two kidneys at once.

3. Serve Midland.
This Fall is the 100th birthday of the Midland Free Methodist church.  We are going to celebrate through the summer by serving our community.  There are a lot of ways to celebrate a birthday.  Most of them have to do with looking back.  This birthday is going to be celebrated mostly through the call to "look out."  The best way to honor the God of the Church is to be His hands and feet to those around us.

4. Camp and Conference
July includes the annual camp and conference for the Eastern Michigan Free Methodist Church.  A few of us have been working with the Superintendent to organize and prepare for what God is going to do as a result of gathering to focus on Him.  The 13th through the 21st are going to be busy days.

5. Start a Doctoral program.
In August I start a Doctoral program.  This will begin 3 years of increased level of work and preparation that will challenge every aspect of my life.  I am excited about the practical lessons I will learn that will have direct and immediate impact on my ministry.

6.  Wonder where the summer went.
In a couple of weeks VBS starts and then it will be Fall.  It's all going to go so quickly.  I have determined to stay calm and not let busyness push me away from God.  It's amazing how often we complain about how busy we are as if it has nothing to do with our decisions.  Busy or casual God deserves His role in our lives.

7.  Get ready for the Fall
There are going to be a number of adjustments in our ministry this Fall.  The summer is a time to get some projects done and get ready for a new season.  For example:  We are only $5,000ish from being able to redo the floor in the entryway and hallway without a negative impact on our budget!  We'd love to have that done this summer.

So, that's my summer - how's yours looking?

Pastor Dave

 

Thoughts for Graduates...

I remember when I graduated from High School.  The Emancipation Proclamation had wet ink.  Shakespeare was just starting his new hobby of writing.  The day before I graduated something weird happened at some tower called Babel.  It was a while ago.

Do you remember when you were at less than a quarter of your life span?  What would graduates of yesterday tell graduates of today?
Here's a few that came to my mind:
1.  Don't do camel spirituality.They can go long distances without water in dry places.  Our spirits were designed to have regular deep drinks of the Bible and prayer.  If you haven't developed good habits with God - start.
2.  Avoid mellontophobia develop hamartophobia.Ok, to be honest, the first one isn't a real word… but it should be.  It's made of the Greek words for "future" and "fear."  Don't panic about your future, follow Christ into it.  God will never expect more than that.The second word is made of the words for "sin" and "fear."   A sin phobia would be good to develop.  Culture has always tried to normalize what offends the holiness of God.  If it ticks God off it would be best not to become comfortable with it.
3.  Lift sex out of the sewer.God has a wonderful design for everything he created.  The boundaries aren't because He wants to limit your joy; it's because he knows how to provide the greatest joy.  There is nothing better than an exclusive, baggage free sex life with a person you're going to spend the rest of your life with in marriage.  Don't cheapen sex.
4.  Drive with the pedal on the floor.(Please note this is a metaphor not a driving tip)Apply yourself.  Work hard at what you're doing.  Give your roles your best.Student?  Learn aggressively.Employee?  Work as if each moment was a praise to God.Christian? Give God everything.Unfortunately culture trains you to find the line of "good-enough" and live just south of it.  There are too many people who feel they are entitled for something without responsibility.  Work hard and know when to rest.
5.  Never swim with a bag of cement in your arms.That's not a metaphor.  I think it's just good wisdom.
6.  Celebrate the journey.You are facing what everyone older than you has already faced - growing up.  You might have a cell phone with more computing ability than NASA had thirty years ago, but soon it will be worthless.  Someday your kids will laugh at your music, clothes, and iPod.  Humility and joy are closely related.  Both of them travel well with you through life.
7.  Note the power of this one.We are often looking at the moments that have passed with regret or longing.  We spend a lot of energy looking at the moments we can't see yet trying to manipulate their content.  Note the power of the moments you have right now.  Include God in your moments now and He'll take care of the ones in the rear-view mirror and the ones beyond your vision.
What else could graduates of yesterday tell graduates of today?

Pastor Dave